just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
