i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
