You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
