I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont even know how to be here
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
