Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
