I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
