WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
