I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
