She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
