Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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