Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I supernannyed him into submission
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
