just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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