the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
