after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
