Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
