I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize