Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
