I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this boner is exhausting
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
