I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
