there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
