"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
