Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
