i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize