At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize