Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
