My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
