are you so shy because you have an std?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
