Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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