She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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