To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
