Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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