whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
