i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
