I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
