He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
