wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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