im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
