My nipple is on Facebook.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
