All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize