I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
