Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
