He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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