Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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