I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
