i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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