you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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