In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
