U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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