I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
