my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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