Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
