what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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