fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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