she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
