Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
