You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
