Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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