planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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