when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
