There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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