Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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