I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
