i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
