Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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