look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
