What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
