I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
