I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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