I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
