Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
