Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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