Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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