these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
