Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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