oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
