just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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