Me too!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
